Home Liposuction

Except that it is a serious surgery that comes with certain dangers and leaves scars, I would happily have liposuction all over my body rather than trying to lose 20 pounds sensibly and slowly with diet and exercise.

Who cares about slowness and common sense?

I want to see my knees without the little shoulder pads each of them has bulging on either side. I want to have actual ankles instead of just legs that extend straight to feet. I want a rear end that, when I turn a corner on the street, doesn’t have to follow me a few seconds later like a little dog. (I’m not being utterly self-deprecating here, by the way … I don’t roll that way. Ask anyone who knows me in real life, I roll… well, another way.)

All this said, what would be really great is if there were home liposuction. Remember that vogue a couple decades ago for “whole house” vacuum systems, which allowed the housekeeper to go from room to room with a flexible house that would attach to a port in the wall and suck the muck right up from the floor and into an invisible …I don’t know what, actually. What did become of the stuff behind the walls? How did a person eventually get to it? How often? When a friend of mine’s very naïve older sister got her own apartment, she never emptied the bag on her vacuum cleaner after she cleaned up her house. Eventually, the bag was the size of a small dairy cow. 

Anyhow, what if you could do that with fat? Just sort of eliminate the unnecessary thigh bulges with a little suction, like water flossing or electrolysis? Or something. This is my one great idea.  I see the obstacles, not the least of which are that your lipo site would be an abattoir and there would be some fanatic who would render herself or himself skeletal … but if there is a medical person out there who can overcome these obstacles, contact me here.

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