WILL YOU PUT ME ON THE VIEW?
By Jacquelyn Mitchard
(With sincerest apologies to Dr. Seuss)

Will you put me on The View?
There's lots of tricks that I can do.
Be wry and dish and interview,
Ask Jen and Katie, hey, what's new?
And when's the next Cruise baby due?
But tend some other matters, too.
I�ve got a mouth, but I'm no shrew.
And authors clean up nice. We do.
We have our hair foiled tout le deux.
And so, please put me on The View.

Once on The View, I'll do my share
And I'll kick butt, but I'll kick fair
Even about thinning hair.
I won't get on people's nerves.
By throwing trashy booty curves.
And though no stranger to pop culture.
I'm not a spotlight-seeking vulture.
Don't have a barn to store my shoes
But know my Blahniks from my Choos.
When I yell, 'Foul!' you'll know it's true.
Come on. Put me on the View.

The View needs another Barbara Walters
I'm scared we're raising stupid daughters
Who'll need binocs to spot a twit
And only know four-letter wit.
Who proudly wear a dress size two.
But think just like my cockapoo.
There's stuff that they don't have a clue.
A constitutional right or two.
I dare you. Put me on The View.

Will you put me on The View?
I know a thing or fifty-two.
I care much more than you know,
About the world where my kids grow.
It's not all fun, I'm sad to say.
But power is glam, we used to say.
And if you once thought that way too,
Then come on, put me on The View.