WILL YOU PUT ME ON THE VIEW?
By Jacquelyn Mitchard
(With sincerest apologies to Dr. Seuss)

Will you put me on The View?
There's lots of tricks that I can do.
Be wry and dish and interview,
Ask Jen and Katie, hey, what's new?
And when's the next Cruise baby due?
But tend some other matters, too.
I�ve got a mouth, but I'm no shrew.
And authors clean up nice. We do.
We have our hair foiled tout le deux.
And so, please put me on The View.

Once on The View, I'll do my share
And I'll kick butt, but I'll kick fair
Even about thinning hair.
I won't get on people's nerves.
By throwing trashy booty curves.
And though no stranger to pop culture.
I'm not a spotlight-seeking vulture.
Don't have a barn to store my shoes
But know my Blahniks from my Choos.
When I yell, 'Foul!' you'll know it's true.
Come on. Put me on the View.

The View needs another Barbara Walters
I'm scared we're raising stupid daughters
Who'll need binocs to spot a twit
And only know four-letter wit.
Who proudly wear a dress size two.
But think just like my cockapoo.
There's stuff that they don't have a clue.
A constitutional right or two.
I dare you. Put me on The View.

Will you put me on The View?
I know a thing or fifty-two.
I care much more than you know,
About the world where my kids grow.
It's not all fun, I'm sad to say.
But power is glam, we used to say.
And if you once thought that way too,
Then come on, put me on The View.

I wrote recently about creating One Writer's Place, a spot of solitude I would share with other writers and some visual artists, free of charge.

We'd picked out a house and stormed Craigslist and compassionate friends for furniture; and we were all ready to go when my husband -- a builder and carpenter -- went to the inspection and learned that the things wrong with the house were not cosmetic but orthopedic.

Of course, I was excited about the wide-planked boards from Maine. I didn't see the roof leaks or the plumbing that really wasn't ... or the gaps in the skylights. Through those skylights, I saw only the blue-denim sky. That tends to be my way. I have my feet firmly planted, but my head in the clouds.

It wasn't the fault of the owner. They are lovely people. They didn't know that so many things were wrong; and they felt just terrible. So did we. But it wasn't meant to be.

Oh well.

This whole idea started when a friend who really does have the money for this, and who had wanted to do it for years, decided times were too dicey for such a gesture.

I don't really have the money to burn.

But I have the need.

Things have been tough lately; and I've probably stopped taking as many risks as I once did. My motto in life has always been, When the going gets tough, take more risks.

So being frightened and conservative is probably not a terrific thing for me. I have trouble even being prudent! It's only when you take risks that blessings come into your hands. It's only when you run into the breeze with your eyes closed and your arms flung wide that someone takes your hand.

Someone took my hand many years ago when I was a young widow with four children and no money. Many people did. Laurie took my children to her house to play. Jean Marie included them in family picnics at her family farm. Georgia read my pages.

And bit by bit, I wrote my first novel, 'The Deep End of the Ocean.'

So many of those friendships have changed over the years, through time and space and lack of care and grace -- some of it probably mine. But I've never forgotten the deep gratitude I felt for the gift of every golden hour, every shoulder I showered with my tears, every ear I filled with my fears.

I can't give that level of care to other writers. It won't be a real "colony."

And it won't happen right this summer, as we hoped.

When our house fell through (almost literally), one of my sons said that maybe this was a sign that this was a foolish dream. I said it was, undoubtedly.

I like those kind; and this one will come true.

Jackie M.

I sometimes think that the most important work I do is to travel around the country, raising funds for research to help cure Multiple Sclerosis.

My best friend from childhood has MS; and she has the kind that gets worse all the time. Seeing this little jumping bean, who was always ready for a trip or a prank, shuffling her way gingerly across the room wrings my heart in ways that I can't describe.

Not long ago in Indiana, I met a young man named Brandon Anderson. A guy with an eye, he was tired of the rubber bracelets everyone has -- the ones that read LoveStrong, Survivor, HeartStrong and so on. They come in different colors, each one symbolizing a commitment to fighting a given disease (or to promoting the love of a religion or another cause, such as literacy). The one for Multiple Sclerosis is rainbow-colored, because Multiple Sclerosis is an equal-opportunity beast that doesn't care who it destroys.

These bracelets are great.

They're earnest and they are heartfelt, but they are... rubber, the equivalent of a gasket around the wrist. They're fun to wear for a day, but no one would wear one as a fashion piece.

And so, in a tribute to his mother, Robin, Brandon created another kind of awareness bracelet. This one is made with Aurora Borealis Swavorski Crystals separated by ornate beads of sterling silver. It has a toggle closure, which is thoughtful, because not everyone who has MS (not everyone, period!) is successful in working an intricate clasp alone. The toggle holder is heart-shaped, and from it hangs an awareness "ribbon," fashioned from sterling silver.

You'd think it would cost a heck of a lot of money.

It does not. Buying 76-100 Prism of Hope Awareness Bracelets costs.. $35.

Of that, 30% goes to the Robin C. Anderson Multiple Sclerosis Fund, administered by the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, Indiana State Chapter. But you don't have to live in Indiana to contact Brandon and order bracelets.

In his design studio at 23 North 10th St., Suite A , Noblesvile, Indiana, 46060, Brandon makes other beautiful things as well. But this bracelet is special to me. It's beautiful and it's lovely; but it also symbolizes two things to me that are close to my heart: a son's love and the belief that people burdened with a chronic illness need not sacrifice beauty and grace.

In fact, when I've worn my bracelet simply as an accessory, people have asked me where I bought it. It's that pretty. It catches the sun and sparkles like a river.

I have five sons. I hope one day that one of them feels moved to make such a gesture toward me that Brandon Anderson felt moved to make for his mom. And I hope I deserve it.

Jackie M.

Women writers all over America and the world were trying to post comments when a debate began -- I think the first salvo was by Jennifer Weiner, author of 'In Her Shoes' and other bestsellers -- about why it's better to be a famous male who writes literary fiction or biography if you wish to be reviewed in the NY Times.

It got really heated.

I hope the transcript is posted somewhere, and would give you a link if I could (come on, writers, out there, help me out!) because many writers (and I was one) chimed in, pointing out that books that enjoy any kind of popular readership are almost guaranteed to be overlooked. My first and third books ('The Deep End of the Ocean' and 'A Theory of Relativity') were reviewed in the Sunday Review and the daily newspaper. Because the second review was an evisceration -- in part because the reviewer was outraged that I used food in sexual imagery --- my publishers have since refused to give my books to the NY Times, although I'd prefer, personally, to take my chances. (BTW, I'm not the first writer ever to write about food and sex.... think, Ernest Hemingway, for example.)

Whoever can find it will enjoy the repartee. It was really generous of Dwight Garner, senior editor of the New York Times Book Review to engage in the debate, although he clearly evidenced some bias.

The Book Babes, formerly associated with the Poynter Institute and who now write at The Book Standard (www.TheBookStandard.com) on all topics related to the book biz, from reviews to trends, have said that the New York Times will increase its coverage of non-fiction under new leaderships BUT ALSO of popular novels. I'm curious as to how this will go.

Meanwhile, Mark Sarvas, host of Elegant Variation (marksarvas.blogs.com/elegvar) has called for a petition (a petition?) to get the Book Babes off the web.

What the heck is that? Mr. Savras (haven't had the pleasure although Forbes calls him "much-quoted") says that the Book Babes are neither Book-ish nor Babes. He calls them "nice old ladies." This is one of those cases in which the writer betrays more about himself than about his subject -- sexism, age-ism, pinhead cultural snobbery, a penchant for censorship among them.

For my part, the Book Babes can review me any old time...

v best,

Jackie M.

BTW: The link was sent to me by Jocelyn Kelley, of Kelley and Hall Book Publicists. It'shttp://papercuts.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/06/12/the-skim/