I always thought that, if I died and my friend Stacey's husband Mike died, my husband Chris could marry Stacey; and they could raise all our kids together.
I wouldn't be jealous, beyond the grave, because any guy who wasn't gay or blind couldn't set eyes on my pal Stace without falling in love with her.
She doesn't look this way now.
In a coma since December 20, after a brain event that took place in the hospital when she was admitted to be treated for strep, she is beginning to change from the assault to her brain. Her hands turn in, as my mom's did when she had a brain tumor; and her beautiful skin is taking a beating.
We all wonder how long Stacey will stay this way. We know God loved her enough to bring her the beautiful baby you see here with her, my godchild, Gaby. What we don't know are what you might call God's intentions -- if he intends the most loving mother on earth to be the most loving mother in heaven, a guardian angel to her little girl, or to get well.
We all know that it is out of our hands and all medical hands. Fate holds the cards. Time will tell how they are dealt. But when I see Stacey, although I still love the form of Stacey that is there, I don't see that form. I see this picture, one of my favorites, that sits on a shelf in my bedroom.
And I think of the old song lyrics..'Oh, but you're lovely/Never, ever change/Keep that breathless charm/Could you please arrange it/'Cause I love you/Just the way you look tonight.'
Whatever the future holds for Stacey, my beloved friend, who will turn 42 just a month before her daughter turns two, no matter how she changes, I want to give myself a gift.
I want to remember her that way, when her life with her husband Mike and their firstborn had just begun, and to be around her was to feel the nature of real bliss -- hard-won, long-awaited.
No one ever said it would be fair. But some events are crueler than others; and this one is the frosting on the cake.
I miss you, Stacey. Every birthday for twenty years, we sent you a bouquet of exotic flowers. For this year, I commissioned an artist to make an orchid out of some exotic clay, mounted in what looked like "real water." I don't know why.
Perhaps I thought that this was a flower that would never, ever fade.
It never will, nor will the Stacey who crosses my dreams, light as thistle and lovely as morning.
Jackie M.
Comments (4)
Ms. Mitchard...I am so very sorry for your dear friend. May she find health and peace soon....
Posted by Brandy | February 19, 2007 9:04 PM
Posted on February 19, 2007 21:04
Jackie,
I'm sorry to hear about your friend, Stacey! Her picture with her precious baby is beautiful.
I've lost several dear friends and family. Some losses start to happen before the final breath, but those situations give us time to begin to loose our grip - wanting more for our loved ones than they will ever again have in this life.
We live in a broken world. I've told my children that God has made us many wonderful promises, but He never promised to make earth perfect. Perfection, justice - those are the trappings of hope - the assurance of faith.
I am a Christ follower, so I have the hope of reunion with loved ones in the place at the end of hope's rainbow. I fear more that I will inherit the 'blessing' of old age. Though I'm sure I will always want one more day (one last sudoku or game of solitaire), I do sympathize with the poet who wrote, "Lord, let me get home before dark."
My heart is with you as you grieve.
Sandy
Posted by Sandy Carter | March 6, 2007 11:48 PM
Posted on March 6, 2007 23:48
I heard this song last night at the Swallow in the Holler here in Roswell, GA = it described the feelings so well -
I Have Arrived
For so many years I've tasted tears
Prayed for all the pain to go away
And leave me alone
All that time I was unaware
That love was around me everywhere
But somehow I did not know
And I've learned to live with things that I cannot change
It took me so long to get to this place
*(But) I have arrived
I have arrived
I have been through hell and back
But I survived
Yeah, and I'm stronger
I've conquered Every fear that held me under
I'm seeing life through different eyes
I have arrived
I've held the hand of a dying friend
Still I cannot comprehend the loss
Or the pain it caused
I felt bitterness and deep despair
Struggled with life ain't fair at all
Yeah, I carried that cross (and)
I prayed to find my strength as I fell down to my knees
And in my darkest hour it was faith that set me free
(chorus)
Written by Buffy Lawson/Eric Petrelli/Angie Russell) and sung by Linda Davis
Posted by Cherie Miller | March 10, 2007 9:56 AM
Posted on March 10, 2007 09:56
I feel the love of your friend Stacey in your writing about her. i see the way you see her unchanged in your head, is like seeing your Grandmom as the 50 year old of your youth instead of the 70,80, then almost 90 year old as you get older. I don't see my parents as they are now, more like they were as a 5 year old. Time seems to stand still in our memories. We have a hard time seeing our "close people" age and sometimes don't see them ass younger than our time. The little girls and boys, or youngsters they were before we were around.
Time goes so fast when we get to that age we don't see/believe it either.
My gramma Studnicka (mom's mom) said the older you are the faster time goes by. 2 monthe to a 5 year old is forever, at 45 it is gone in no time.
Time picks up speed.
Thanks for all your writing and the down to earth way about you. It is all too rare.
Posted by Rick Schumacher | March 12, 2007 1:21 PM
Posted on March 12, 2007 13:21